Gordon the Gnome
Born in Haifa (Israel), childhood on Long Island (New York), awkward teen years in Homewood (south suburbs of Chicago). Advertising student at University of Illinois, where I also worked extensively at the Daily Illini: cartoonist (Blue Rice), columnist, editor. Now I co-own an advertising agency called BatesMeron Sweet Design, where I focus on copywriting and brand strategy, and drink whiskey when I'm uninspired. Married to Amy "The Hot Blonde" Kriegsman, with a baby on the way...coming April '09 to a theater near you!
The Dumbing Down of Smart
I’m hardly the first person to rant against the Chicago Tribune’s idiotic new format, but one thing in particular got my blood a-boilin’ this morning.
You see, each section of the Sunday Trib now has a pithy name: real estate is Homes, the auto section is Rides, etc. But then there’s this one: Smart.
Feeling less cynical than usual this morning, I wondered: “what is Smart? Maybe it features science and technology, or in-depth investigative reporting?” I was curious, so I pulled it out of the plastic bag.
Smart’s front page didn’t offer much insight. The tagline at the upper right says “Faster, Cheaper, Better,” and the featured article “A Model of Health” talks about a singer’s career and eating habits. Interior headlines include “4 steps to ‘Shopaholic’ waves”, “10 tips for buying outerwear,” “Warm coats the province of Canadians,” and my favorite, “The year of living without pants.” Oh, and there’s a Sudoku puzzle on the back, in case it wasn’t enough of a clusterfuck.
So in short, I still don’t know what Smart is. And it’s not the first time.
“Smart” has become the buzzword for a number of things in the past few years covering health, environmental benefits, lower cost, better gas mileage, and things you can check your email with. It’s a term being applied to mean “better” in so many ways that it’s starting to lose all meaning at all. If anything, using the word smart has become the mating call of stupid people.
I want to see a return to the old “smart”. When a person is labeled smart, I want to see some prowess at math or sharp reasoning skills, not well-coordinated accessories. And if you claim your new product is smart, it better have some form of artificial intelligence, not just fewer calories.
Or maybe smart folks should start using the word “intelligent”. Too many syllables? Hard to spell? Good. Sit your smart ass down.
Renegade Obama, meet Napoleon Sinatra
Secret Service codenames are, in a word, awesome. How cool that the most powerful people in the country are given Hollywood-worthy nicknames by their bodyguard teams?
Since learning that Obama’s Secret Service codename is “Renegade”, I thought it would be fun to check out all such codenames going back to when it all began. Here’s a thorough list.
Some noteworthy codenames:
JFK: Lancer. A cavalry nickname for a Camelot knight.
Ronald Reagan: Rawhide. For the former cowboy actor.
George H. W. Bush: Timberwolf. The codename is so much cooler than the man.
Besides sitting presidents, the Secret Service also has codenames for presidential candidates, VPs, members of the First Family, and even noteworthy individuals that may require their services. Some more fun examples:
Ted Kennedy: Sunburn. What?
John McCain: Phoenix. Mythology meets Arizona.
Hillary Clinton: Evergreen. Had that name since her First Lady days.
Prince Charles: Unicorn. Bwa ha ha ha!
Pope John Paul II: Halo. So cool.
Frank Sinatra: Napoleon. My personal favorite.
