In Honor of Opening Day
I sent this out in an email, in honor of opening day. I was asked by several members to post on Urbanagora. I had to edit the original content so it was appropriate for the family setting that is Urbanagora. Anyway, here are a few reasons why hope for the Cubs springs eternal:
1) Bruce Froemming, that tool (as well as several adjuectives that didn’t make it through the edit) has finally retired. He has found new and interesting ways to screw the cubs from when he stole Pappas’ perfect game to when he threw Lou out last year. Finally, we will be able to play all ofour games this season without Froemming figuring out a way to screw us.
2) The Cardinals still suck. I don’t care if LaRussa passed law school, that doesn’t make him a genius. Being in law school right now proves to me that genius and law school do not necessarily always go together.
3) Dusty Baker is coaching the Reds. That means their entirepitching staff will be on the DL by June.
4) Ned Yost still can’t coach. And since Prince Fielder hasn’t eatenmeat in 4 months, ,and he is still a large man, he will probably kill and eat five of his teammates by June.
5) We are in the same division as the Pirates.
6) Hunter Pence needs a fake ID to get into a bar. The rest ofthe Astros can use their AARP membership.
7) Eric Byrnes is still a tool, and that is contagious.
8) Johan Santana is now on the Mets, which means he will be hurt by May. (See Martinez, Pedro).
9) Ted Lilly doesn’t have to compete anymore with JasonKend all…Lilly can eat all of the babies he wants and doesn’t have to share.
10) This is the year Rich Hill finally becomes Dick Mountain.
11) Carlos Zambrano es fantastico.
12) 30 teams enter the Fukudome; only one team will leave. And they wear blue.
13) The Cubs brought back the solid blue jerseys.
14) Mark DeRosa still has 5 o’clock shadow. Constantly. I think he was born with it.
15) Ryan Theriot is still scrappy. But now he has a shiv.
16) Cause the toxicity of toolery that is “Red Sox Nation” will wipe out the Eastern seaboard.
17) Cause most commentators on ESPN couldn’t spell their network ifyou spotted them the ESP.
18) Jay Marriotti head will triple in size…but it won’t be because of HGH, but his ego.
19) Lou Fricking Pinella.
20) Brian Roberts will burn down Baltimore, giving Angelos no choice but to trade the second baseman. Angelos will do it while Theriot holds him at shiv point and Lilly threatens to eat Angelos’grandchild.
Comment by illinikc33 on 31 March 2008 at 9:32 am:
Lou “Fuckign” Pinella, Prescott.
Comment by Mike on 31 March 2008 at 9:54 am:
Ahh, yet another deluded Cub fan. I suspect at this time next year we will have a similar post, to commemorate year 101 without a World Series Title.
Comment by J. Prescott on 31 March 2008 at 11:41 am:
Mike, thank god for you. As a Cubs fan who was able to reference the Pappas game, I probably have no idea about the cubs lack of World Series titles. What is this talk of Black Cats and Bartman anyway? Thank you for bringing the drought to my attention. Honestly I had no idea.
Could you do me a favor and provide all of us with a deeper look into what must surely be an encyclopedic knowledge of the game? Perhaps you could explain the designated hitter rule, or about all that vexing terminology like “single” and “strike out?” Or does your baseball acumen begin and end by merely regurgitating the predigested baseball facts provided by those geniuses at ESPN? Would it help you if instead of just copying your witty banter, you provided the links to the websites you are ripping off? If so, feel free.
Comment by Mike on 31 March 2008 at 12:07 pm:
From reading your posts and comments on this website, Prescott, I expected such a response.
You jump immediately to personal attacks. Anyone who disagrees with you is either underresearched or a moron. Every post is a personal attack on you. Fortunately for the rest of us, the world does not revolve around you or your opinions.
Comment by J. Prescott on 31 March 2008 at 12:30 pm:
I am sorry. I should have interpreted “another deluded Cubs fan” as a compliment? Has the definition of the word changed?
Its true, I can be combative, but when I first started out on this blog I was told it was a contact sport and that I shouldn’t be tentative. If you had actually read my other posts, how I respond to people is generally based on how they start. If they talk statistics, I attempt to respond with my own stats. You take a shot at Cubs fans, and I take a shot back. I respond in kind. You started with a heavy handed dig, I respond with a verbose (admittedly) insult, and then you whine like a little kid. You get what you give.
I don’t want the world to revolve around my opinions, because I recognize that a good portion of them are, at the very least, not for everyone. And, I would like to think, that while the debates on Urbanagora can and often do get heated, at the end of the day, there is no real animosity between any of the contributors. But fortunately for the rest of us, the world is not comprised of prissy little whiners like you.
Comment by Mike on 31 March 2008 at 12:47 pm:
And you again make my point.
I was under the impression that “deluded” merely meant that you were incorrect in thinking that the Cubs were going to do well this year, the subject of the post. As I said in my original response, you seem to think everything is an attack on you. Deluded was a disagreement with your position, not you personally. Truly, I overstated my hand. I do suspect that in the depleted NL Central, the Cubs will make the playoffs.
There is a difference between being combative in social discourse and resorting to pointless personal attacks. People can disagree without insulting each other.
I can trade insults with you all day. It is quite possible that when you do that, there is no animosity with your fellow contributors. My only question is, what’s the point of doing it?
Comment by thetodd on 31 March 2008 at 6:46 pm:
There’s good reason for Cubs fans to be optimistic. According to the futures markets (for regular season wins, NL pennant, and world series win probabilities), they’re the second best team in the NL (behind the Mets).
Of course, anything can happen. 162 games sounds like a lot, but for a high-variance game like baseball, it’s really a very small sample, and teams regularly achieve short-term results far from their long-term expectations.
It’s promising, though :)
Comment by Cubs? on 31 March 2008 at 7:06 pm:
Mike, from your comments, I can safely say you are an ass. And yes, that is a personal attack.
Comment by Katie on 1 April 2008 at 7:27 pm:
I loved this post. I especially liked the ESPN comment. All the predictions and “interpretations” of stats drive me crazy. I think making predictions this early in the season is as silly as saying Obama will be president in 08. Baseball is a humbling game (Cubs fans know that all too well after the agonizing Marlins loss in the last game of the playoffs a few years back). If I’ve learned anything from my lifelong Cubs addiction, it’s to be cautious about predictions.
Comment by Clay Bridges on 7 April 2008 at 9:06 pm:
Brian Roberts burns down Baltimore? Please…He will be traded long before that, then Baltimore burns itself down.