I sent this out in an email, in honor of opening day. I was asked by several members to post on Urbanagora. I had to edit the original content so it was appropriate for the family setting that is Urbanagora. Anyway, here are a few reasons why hope for the Cubs springs eternal:
1) Bruce Froemming, that tool (as well as several adjuectives that didn’t make it through the edit) has finally retired. He has found new and interesting ways to screw the cubs from when he stole Pappas’ perfect game to when he threw Lou out last year. Finally, we will be able to play all ofour games this season without Froemming figuring out a way to screw us.
2) The Cardinals still suck. I don’t care if LaRussa passed law school, that doesn’t make him a genius. Being in law school right now proves to me that genius and law school do not necessarily always go together.
3) Dusty Baker is coaching the Reds. That means their entirepitching staff will be on the DL by June.
4) Ned Yost still can’t coach. And since Prince Fielder hasn’t eatenmeat in 4 months, ,and he is still a large man, he will probably kill and eat five of his teammates by June.
5) We are in the same division as the Pirates.
6) Hunter Pence needs a fake ID to get into a bar. The rest ofthe Astros can use their AARP membership.
7) Eric Byrnes is still a tool, and that is contagious.
8) Johan Santana is now on the Mets, which means he will be hurt by May. (See Martinez, Pedro).
9) Ted Lilly doesn’t have to compete anymore with JasonKend all…Lilly can eat all of the babies he wants and doesn’t have to share.
10) This is the year Rich Hill finally becomes Dick Mountain.
11) Carlos Zambrano es fantastico.
12) 30 teams enter the Fukudome; only one team will leave. And they wear blue.
13) The Cubs brought back the solid blue jerseys.
14) Mark DeRosa still has 5 o’clock shadow. Constantly. I think he was born with it.
15) Ryan Theriot is still scrappy. But now he has a shiv.
16) Cause the toxicity of toolery that is “Red Sox Nation” will wipe out the Eastern seaboard.
17) Cause most commentators on ESPN couldn’t spell their network ifyou spotted them the ESP.
18) Jay Marriotti head will triple in size…but it won’t be because of HGH, but his ego.
19) Lou Fricking Pinella.
20) Brian Roberts will burn down Baltimore, giving Angelos no choice but to trade the second baseman. Angelos will do it while Theriot holds him at shiv point and Lilly threatens to eat Angelos’grandchild.