News, as projected onto iTacts, delivered by EdandBill.com:
Washington, DC–(RealWest.com) Speaking at the Federal Reserve, President Jeb Bush agreed that the increase of the Prime Rate from 12.75 to 13% is necessary to bring down the current inflation rate from 14%. Democratic, Nativist and Successionist critics countered that the 8% unemployment rate is much more important than inflationary pressures and that this action will only make the American economy worse. “Things cannot actually be that bad,” the President added, “if the median net worth of American households continues to outpace inflation by two percent.” Radical activist Joey Bibuka (head of the Black Watch) countered by saying, “The President is a total noob as far as understanding the new economy goes. The value’s going up because the citizens are making the stuff themselves and not letting the government tax it.“
Urbana, Illinois–(Daily Illini) For the first time, the number of undergraduates enrolled at the University this fall in the Global Campus exceeded those enrolled in Meatspace. Out of the current class of 2022, 31,000 of the 60,000 are attending classes in Vir. The University Board of Trustees once again voted, during their September meeting, to retain ownership of Lincoln and Gregory Halls, rather than selling them to developers. “The historic nature of those buildings preclude divestment, no matter the cost of renovation.” Critics charge that the University is attempting to hold out for a higher bid than the one received and that if it doesn’t need classrooms or offices, the BoT should begin removing the oldest first.
Seattle, Washington–(Gamespy.com) Over 450 million individuals owe their primary allegiance to non-governmental associations at present, a Netpoll taken today revealed. The growth of NGAs has skyrocketed with 24/7 connectivity reaching four billion people in all corners of the planet. The largest, the ten-year-old World of Warcraft Guilds Association, with its 16 million members, currently has the fourth-largest Gross Domestic Product of any group or nation in the world, with assets spread over Vir, Meat and Outer Spaces.
West Lafayette, Indiana–(TheExponent.com) The Indiana National Guard began the eighth day of its seige of the AIChE-SA (American Institute of Chemical Engineers–Student Affiliates) house on campus. The standoff began when the members of the Purdue RSO became rowdy at a tailgate and has escalated since. When Campus Police attempted to arrest the revelers, the young engineers melted their police cars and weapons with the mining bacteria that the house had created for their ChemE 499 project. The National Guard has maintained a perimeter of one block around the students’ house, and have denied that they have already lost one armored vehicle to the bioweapon. Governor Radcliffe has offered the students amnesty with regard to their destruction of private property and resisting arrest charges, as well as rescinding their University expulsion in exchange for the state receiving the rights to their creations.
Austin, TX–(NewRepublic.com) Legislators in the Texas House of Representatives have once again called for the secession of Texas and the reestablishment of the old Republic of Texas with its original borders. They join Californians and the Free State group in New Hampshire in this call. Elias Dominguez, Speaker of the Texas House said to reporters, “It is insane that the entitlement mandates that we pay to our citizenry and are required by the Federal government exceeded our total tax receipts by 5% last quarter. It is literally impossible for those who are still working to pay any longer for these services.” President Bush commented from the White House that, “I thought we solved that there matter 150 years ago.”
Houston, TX–(AP) Scientists at NASA announced today that by reexamining the Infra-red data from the New Horizons spacecraft, they have discovered that Pluto is covered by a thin layer of amino acids. The robot spacecraft, which flew by the dwarf planet and its moons two years ago, is continuing to send data from the nearby portions of the Kuiper Belt. The experts stated that this provides evidence that the basic building blocks of life formed naturally during the evolution of the solar system, then rained down on the new planets when comets impacted during the Early Bombardment.
–Tom (Chronage 65, Bioage 55)