Heroes, part 3
Over the weekend, I received a lovely email from a wife and mother of two who lives in one of the nearby small towns around Urbana. She wrote to me in response to the question that I posited last week about what we could do personally to help save the world. I want to share it, since it demonstrates the quiet sort of heroics that has been characteristic of this nation since its inception in its dedication to family.
My response-
1) Be an all-out totally awesome mom. To me, that means loving them while teaching limits and responsibility. It means sacrificing personal goals and desires for the betterment of the family. It means teaching my children morals and how to interact in society according to their abilities and personalities. It means understanding my kids and their inherent talents, and guiding them in a path that will teach them how to enhance their awesome parts as well as strengthen their weaknesses. It means paying attention to what is important to them. It means listening well when they talk to me. It means laughter, music, hugs, jokes, fun times and a lot of prayer on my part. It means explaining difficult and painful things with compassion and tenderness. It means not being fair all the time. It means reading to them- the Bible, the Hobbit, the paper- just the written word; and exposing them to new ideas. It means trying to teach them to think for themselves while teaching to act respectfully to the adults in charge. It means paying attention when my gut says something is WRONG and even breaking off a longstanding relationship to protect my kids from harm. It means never, ever, ever making my kids feel like they aren’t good enough, or that the other is so much better that they feel like failures. It means making active choices to listen to the unspoken messages they send and CHANGE when I’m causing them an avoidable unpleasantness or harm through my behavior. It means that they are the “bomb-diggety” all the time, and I do what I can to let them know it. My kids rock! With rockin’ kids, maybe I can influence the world- but even if not, I know I am making an impact and positive change by being a parent that gives a damn.
2) Be a hella-good wife to my husband. This is an area that is constantly in need of improvement. I’m working hard to be what he needs me to be, and give him the tools he needs to be his best. I know that being his wife is making a difference, and I am committed to doing it. I’ll admit that there have been and will be times when I had enough- but I always told him about it. How he responded has varied, but we’re still at it after more than 15 years. Helping him find the tools he has needed to become the man he is now has been immensely rewarding. I have witnessed awesome and powerful changes, and it is pretty cool to be part of it, even if it is just a small part. Watching him grow into who he is, and who he will be, is a blessing I gladly recieve. I can’t lie and say that it’s not difficult- neither of us make the relationship easy. But being a wife that honors, respects, loves, adores and works hard for him will help him. There’s a great promise in helping your mate be their best- and watching what they become and how they change the world around them. I know that being the best wife possible to him is important and of value.
3) Grow up. I’m on the way, but I know it’s a constant process. The more I seek maturity and direction, the more likely I am able to affect real changes to those around me. I work hard to act in a moral and compassionate way in my daily life, but I’m certain that through growth and positive change, I can do more to help my neighbor, coworker, someone I randomly encounter at the store, the parents of my kids’ friends, or my kids’ friends, or whomever I come across in my daily path. Being selfless and mindful of others, being responsive and compassionate, being accountable and responsible- they all make a difference.
Thanks a lot for sharing this. It made my day.
Tom
Comment by Brenda Kay on 29 May 2007 at 10:27 am:
“The Bible, the Hobbit, the [news]paper”
pretty much the trifecta I grew up on